What was I afraid of?

Hello There, living, breathing beings of the universe. It has been a minute hasn't it? Over a year ago I set-up this account, threw my thoughts out there and then never looked back again to see if anyone threw back. I am flattered to see in that year at least one person felt I had a legitimate gripe.

So, I read my thoughts and realized that although a lot has happened, not a whole lot has changed, at least not in the physical realm. The sales job has been replaced by a temporary job as a loan processor. The male mid-life crises environment has been replaced by a bi-polar female dominated one. The part-time job has been replaced with Muay Thai and a Real Estate Class. So, I am still lacking sufficient sleep and I'm still the opposite of rich. But on the upside, I do have full access to a supply closet and I don't have to buy my own pens. Thank God for small miracles.

But, although the Glamorous Life still eludes me, my perspective and attitude are much different. The first step I made was to face my giants. Every year I order a copy of my credit report, and every year I politely file it away in a deep dark corner and pray that life will imitate art, and that last scene from Fight Club will actually come true. But this year I have done something different. I answer the phone when creditors call. YES! And much to my surprise, they listen to me! I have climbed up the bean stalk and decided that I'm giving that giant back his Golden Egg, aka Golden MasterCard. I realized that my mistake was not in wanting more, but not knowing how to work it with less. And now that I have so little, I have really learned how to make it stretch.

A year ago I would not have shared these details about my life. I was too afraid to admit them to myself. I kept thinking, there's got to be a way around this, but I know now that the only way to get to my destination is to follow the path I am on; no short-cuts. You go through it, and in the process those shackles will fall off of your ankles and you will know that you are so much stronger than you thought you were.

They say everything happens for a reason. I believe this is not just cliche' it is the good honest truth. If not for the ignorance of that 22 year old girl that was too prideful to ask for help, too eager to help everybody else, and to blind to see herself, I would not be here today fully aware of my vulnerabilities, willing to take responsibility, and knowledgeable of what it's going to take to move past this, and doing it! And doing it well, I might say...

Until we meet again my friend...God bless you and keep you all the days of your life.