“All the single ladies…”

Here's something I should probably do more often, especially considering the premise of this blog, but I would like to give a special dedication to all the single ladies out there.

At the ripe old age of 30, I'm beginning to wonder when my journey in singledom will be over. Not so much because I decided I was ready for it to be over, but because co-workers I barely know ask me why I'm not married, strangers on the street when they learn the answer is "no," respond with "don't you want to have to children???" and other single available men I meet (some even closer to the grave than me) boast loudly, "there must be something wrong with you!" So, it's no wonder that after I'm done praying for world piece and the salvation of the universe, that I ask God to tag on a nice lean piece of man to keep me warm at night for life while he's at it. But not just any man, a man that will truly appreciate me for me, and be as gaga over me as I am over him; and that's the key right there isn't it?

Sometimes you're on a one way street, giving more than you should, and sometimes it's like a semi is coming at you, you're just not that in to him, but he's waaayyyy too totally into you, so much so that you can't breathe (guys, I'm sure it's the same way for you). Finding the one that's traveling on the opposite road of loves highway that decides to take a pit stop at the exact same moment you do, well that's pretty tricky and it's something that you have no control over because this other person is out minding their own business and trying to navigate through their own lives; unfortunately, they'll get to ya when they get to ya. So, what's a girl to do in the meantime?

Keep traveling. I rejoice in the Lord and all that he's done for me and I love on the people that already love me and the new ones that cross paths with me with all my heart. Every person in my life is special to me and treated with care. Matrimony is a beautiful thing, but it's not everything, so don't treat every relationship as an ends to a means of wearing a ridiculously overpriced white dress. Until you get to that point, enjoy the ride. Enjoy every date, even the bad ones (because they give you something to laugh about later), treat him with care (even if you know it's not going to last forever) because it's all practice for the day that you and that one special guy pull into the same gas station, go to the same movie alone, laugh at the same offhanded joke, at the same time. It could be at 30, 40, 50, whenever…it really doesn't matter, because when it's supposed to happen, you just want to be ready. Love doesn't care about your age; it cares about the condition of your heart so take care of it and let go and let God have his way.

I am what I am

Have you ever noticed that some of the most famous, most valuable works of art are not perfect? Actually the imperfections seem to add to their overall worth. We praise the Venus de Milo as one of the most famous Greek pieces of arts in history and the chick is missing arms!

Imagine yourself on display every day. People come into your life and at first you seem beautiful and they praise the Creator for making you. You're kind, you're generous, you're compassionate, and for awhile they marvel in your presence. But as time goes by, they notice that you're missing something or you have too much of something else; you're sensitive, but too sensitive; you're ambitious but too demanding. All of a sudden they back away and cock their heads to the side as they try to figure out if you really are a beautiful piece of work, or just a broken statue.

Now imagine yourself staring at Venus de Milo and demanding she grow arms so that she could be your idea of perfect. It would be like, well, talking to a rock. The rock is not going to change just because you want it to, just like you can't change just because people want you to, and people will not change just because you want them to.

There are flaws within you that were not part of your original design; but came with the wear and tear of the different seasons and patterns in your life. It's up to you to work through those things and learn how to minimize them so they don't overshadow your more becoming qualities. But there are traits in you that to the God that made you are essential to your being. He would not change those things about you for the world; instead He provides us instructions in His word on how to use those qualities to bring Glory to His name and in turn attract people who despite your flaws will still see you for what you are; a work of art because they know who made you.

God says, "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." Isaiah 44:2. This means that even before your parents thought of you, God was working on you. He was designing you, molding you, providing you with the inherent tools you would need to make a positive impact on the world around you. Yes, you are imperfect, but God did not make any mistakes when he made you. And the person observing and dissecting you in this earthly museum, well they have flaws too; perhaps some of the same flaws they see in you. Some things you can improve upon, but some things will remain the same.

Do yourself a favor; accept yourself and others for who they are. Embrace the positive qualities in people, and the things they lack won't seem so significant. If anything, it will make them all the more marvelous. Don't play God and demand a change in others that you can't make in yourself.

I leave you with this wise quote: "I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam" says Popeye the Sailor Man.

Diamonds and Clay

In March of 2005, Ashley Smith was living an otherwise uneventful life. She had no idea as she walked up to her apartment that she was going to encounter the man that would change her forever. Brian Nichols was a man on the run and with good reason. He had just viciously killed a superior court judge, wounded a deputy and killed a court clerk. He appeared to most watching, including myself, a man with no conscience; no sense of value for human life, yet Ashley remained calm in his presence and convinced this man to turn himself in.

Today if you Google Ashley's name you will find she is now Ashley Smith Robinson and has her own web site http://ashleysmithrobinson.com/. You'll learn from reading her Bio that at the time she encountered Brian she was on Chapter 32 of "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren; "Using What God Gave You." She was a widow of a man that died a violent death, and a mother that had temporarily gave up her parental rights. It was her story that convinced Brian Nichols to do the right thing and not take her life, his own and anyone else's. Armed with nothing more than her faith in God and her own past, Ashley was able to conquer a giant.

Today Ashley speaks all over the country, giving people hope and teaching them about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. What I find interesting about Ashley is that when Brian found her she wasn't at her "A" game so to speak. She had made some bad choices; she wasn't perfect and wasn't pretending to be. At the moment he found her she was trying to better herself…find her purpose. Out of her own tragic chain of events little did she know God was about to use her to guide someone else out of another chain of tragic events. It's really remarkable when you think about it…the way God works.

You never know what's around the next corner in life. When you think that you've done everything wrong and your life is the exact opposite it should be, that's when you may find that you are of the most use. Diamonds don't come out of the ground sparkling, reflecting the light. No, diamonds start off as coal; dirty, dark and seemingly worthless. It is only the pressure put on them by the weight of the earth around it that they are molded into precious jewels worth a million times more their weight.

I used to wonder when the meteor meant to change my life was going to finally enter my atmosphere, but after seeing stories like Ashley's and countless others, I realize that it's not just one event that is going to make me what I'm meant to be. It is everything that happens in our lives from the moment we're born. Every turn, every step, every decision is preparing you; the question is, are you going to crumble under the pressure of being human and flawed, or are you going to allow nature to run its course? Diamonds don't become diamonds in a day; everything worthwhile and precious takes time.

Now when things don't go my way; when I'm cut deep by someone that was supposed to care about me; when I fall short of even my own expectations; I just picture myself on a potter's wheel. I see that potter pilling clay on top of clay, spinning the wheel fast, and then slow, concentrating on every detail, moving his hands delicately to smooth those lumps out. I picture him giving me a basic shape and then I picture him letting me sit for awhile and then coming back with tools small enough to make intricate little designs. I picture having to add water now and then so that I don't dry before I'm ready. Sometimes I picture him scrapping the whole project and starting from scratch, but never giving up until his masterpiece is complete. He studies his work and see's where it can be better. He adds to it, he takes away from it. He does whatever is necessary to make the clay stand on its own, until it's no longer clay anymore, but fine porcelain. That is what I see for me. I'm ok with not understanding everything, because I understand the one that created me. He is a perfectionist and He wants the best for me, like He wants the best for you. You see a potter traditionally does not just make things that are pretty; he makes things that are of good use. He takes such care and time in creating them because their use is specific and it's important they are made with care otherwise they're no good.

Ashley was made with care and God placed her here for a purpose. Today her story has opened the gateway of purpose for countless others. Out of the life of one, God was able to touch many. You and I are being molded right now, not just for our good, but also for the good of others. Whatever you may be going through, just trust you'll be alright. The potter has you in his hands and he's smoothing out your edges all the time.

The Key to Success is believing YOU have the key

What if a tree was to decide one day that it didn't have what it took to be a tree, or that it changed its mind and only wanted to be a seedling for the rest of its existence; what would you think of that? Well, you would think that was ludicrous being that trees don't reason and if they could reason, why would they deduce that they should be anything other than trees? It sounds crazy that something created to shield from the heat of the sun, produces oxygen for other living creatures to breathe, and is in most cases beautiful to behold, produces delicious fruits for us to eat and beautiful flowers for us to adorn our homes and bodies, would want to be anything other than itself. If you look at the world around you, nothing created tries to be anything other than what it is: with the exception of mankind.

We are probably the only living thing that tries to be everything but what we were designed to be. And what's that you ask? Well, God said that He created us in His image. We can't see God, we can't physically feel Him with our hands, so this is a hard concept for us to grasp. I believe it is the reason why we spend so much time tearing each other down and picking ourselves apart. How can so many different individuals have spawned from the same source and all be created in that sources image and all be capable of achieving great things? It seems impossible, so therefore there must be only a selected few of us that are true representations of what God intended, right? This stance has lead to genocide, and World Wars, the oppression of many peoples, and the self-oppression of even more.

Well, my personal take on it is that when God gave us life, He gave us a piece of Himself; everything good and unique about you is your gift from God Himself. This is a being that just with a thought created an entire universe and breathed life into it by just thinking it. If God gave us just a tiny slither of His power, is it any wonder to behold some of the great accomplishments of the human race? In a world that functions in perfect order (when uninterrupted by us) why do we often act as if our small individual lives are spinning out of our control? We blame our circumstances on a silly thing called chance, and we leave our future up to the same culprit.

But if we are created in Gods image, a God that created Heaven and Earth and everything in between, a God so genius that He was able to create a planet that can sustain life…if we were created in the image of this very same God, wouldn't it make sense to deduce that we are able to be whatever it is we want to be and that we have the power to change whatever we want to change about our own circumstances? History actually has provided us example after example of humans, both good and bad, who were aware of their tremendous ability to impact their world and they did it, and it all started with a thought. Look at ordinary people who permanently left their mark on history: Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Alexander the Great, William Wallace, and the list goes on and traces back all the way to the beginning of time. But many of us insist that greatness discriminates and has passed us by, but when you look at all those examples they all have one thing in common; they were flesh and blood just like you and I, and we would've never known there was more to them if they didn't at some point realize it for themselves.

Mary Mary, a popular gospel duo, has a song called, "God in Me." In it they sing about a young woman that has it "going on" by most people's standards, but that what people don't see is that she has tapped into the God inside of her. When you tap into that God inside of you, you cannot be anything less than what you are, which is great. When we neglect, ignore or shy away from the natural talents God placed inside us, we are like a tree deciding it no longer wants to be a tree, or that it was perfectly content with just being a seed. See, the tree is here now, it has no choice but to grow up and perferm the function it was designed to perform, and that is probably how we should conduct ourselves. We should act as if we have no other choice but to use the design God has placed in us, that every tool we need, every answer to our problems and every key we need to unlock any door before us, has been placed strategically inside of us. We have it now; everything that we are supposed to ever be is already in us, we just have to tap into it.

Summed up in this one rule....

The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Romans 13:8-10

"Summed up in this one rule..." It sounds so simple, but if it were the history of the world, and most of our individual lives, would be much different.

Today I went to visit my cousin who is locked up. As to be expected, he is ready to get out, but this particular visit he shared something that really struck a cord. He said that "prison, changes you." He went on to explain that with each passing year he can feel a difference in himself and he is worried he will never be the person he once was. I knew at the root of his fear was that people who once treated him with such familiarity would now be like strangers. That his crime would follow him everywhere he goes and people would be able to see his blood stained hands and not want to get close to him for fear it will rub off. That his mistake would mean that no one would love him like they once did.

On the way home from visiting him I thought about this while my father played a sermon from T.D. Jakes. The verse was out of Luke. I can't quote it exactly, but it was the same concept in the versus from Romans. The sermon was centered around the man that sat along the road to Jericho and all the people that passed him by and dismissed him because of his leprosy. All those people that could've and should've helped that man did not because they found his infliction abhorable. It was as if the mans condition made him unworthy and unlovable. As I listened, the theme of my day began to take shape in my mind, and I realized that we all share a common need and fear.

Need: To Love
Fear: Not being Loved.

My response to my cousin was that we're all changing. I myself am very different than the person I was six years ago. With aging comes awareness, sometimes an awareness you wish you didn't have. You realize that not everything that sparkles is a diamond and wolves really do wear sheeps clothing. You find yourself taking on all the responsibilities of everything bad that has ever happened to you or as a result of you: after all, who amongst us is blameless? You take on this critical lense of your own life and before you know it you have turned that critical lense outward to the rest of the world and no one can get close to you. You want to love others, but in fear of not being loved in return, you hurt them instead.

We abuse one another, whether it be emotionally or physically. We reap warfare against each other, unable to connect with each other on any real meaningful level, and are generally suspicious of one another. We cloak ourselves in an invisible protective armor, hiding all our vulnerabilities and ready to harm anyone that gets too close. The command is to love thy neighbor as ourselves, but what if you don't love yourself. Loving your neighbor seems rather impossible in that case.

In a sense, a lot of us live in a prison. We allow life to harden us. With each rejection, each disappointment, each wrong turn, we feel that we have somehow become unlovable and our greatest fear is realized; our strongest need unable to be met due mostly to our own resistance and unwillingness to show who we really are.

But, Jesus saw no fault in us so great to prevent Him from giving His life for us. Despite our deeply sinful nature, He still saw the beauty in us and He challenges us to see it in each other. He challenges us to not treat each other like lepors on the side of the road. Some of us when we see weakness in others act disgusted with the reminder of our own vulnerability in being human.

We are commanded to love not because other people deserve it, but because that is what we were created to do; we love because the almighty God loves us. Anything different is unnatural and contradictory to the will of God. So yes, life does change you, but it doesn't have to break you.

As for myself, it takes more energy the older I get to be an eternal optimist than it does to be a self-loathing pessimist; sometimes I am exhausted. There are times I find it difficult to look past my own flaws and mistakes, and I find myself wanting to hide from others. But every once in awhile something magical will happen. I will meet a complete stranger, that despite whatever wrong I may have done, whatever may be "ugly" about me, doesn't matter. Maybe for just a moment or maybe even a lifetime, we love each other and are blameless in each others site. Just like that, both our needs have been met, our fear has been temporarily subsided and all is right with the world and it is because of those moment that I know that love is real, and love is worth it and I am thankful for it.

"It doesn't hurt you any to be good to other people"

My Granny said this to me tonight while I tried to help her get ready for bed.  She said, "I just want you to know I appreciate you and I want you to know that it doesn't hurt you any to be good to other people....the Lord loves for you to be good to others."

She then presented me with a hypothetical situation.  She said "suppose I ask you to go find my dentures.  You might think it's real comical, but you wouldn't laugh at me.  You would go find my dentures and take pleasure in knowing you have something to laugh about later.  But it didn't hurt you any and one day you may need someone to help you like I need someone to help me." 

I laughed along with her and agreed that God was good all the time, and that life was good, and that yes, it doesn't hurt to be good to other people.  I also assured her that it was my pleasure because she took care of people the vast majority of her life and if not for her selflessness I wouldn't be here today.

As I left her room I felt elated.  I felt that I had accomplished a great feat.  I had gained the gratitude of another human being and all I'd done was help roll her hair and show her how to operate the small space heater in her room.  I think now about the moments that I have felt of most use, of most purpose and it was when somone else recognized that I had value.  And even if they didn't say thank you, as my Grandmother told me, it didn't hurt me any.  If anything it made me better.  It put out the energy into the universe that when I am old and gray I hope to get back.  If only I spent more time thinking of how I could be of more use to others.  After all, if you believe in God you believe also that we were put here to glorify Him, and the ultimate way we can glorify Him is to humble ourselves enough to be good to our fellow man/woman. 

But at the ripe old age of 30 I find my thoughts more times than not are preoccupied in how to better myself.  I wish I could take a vow that this would change, but I won't lie, I do want and strive for better for my own life.  I will however express gratitude for the people and circumstances in my life that constantly remind me the world is bigger than myself.  Those reminders help fine tune my answer to "where do I fit in this world?"  Because where I fit depends largely on how willing I am to put myself out there for others, because at the end of the day what could it hurt?

Living in Color

They say most people dream in black and white, I think a lot of people live in black and white also.  What does it really mean to live/dream in color?  It means reading in between the lines of what people say.  It means seeing the silver lining in every situation.  It means recognizing the many dimensions of everyone you come in contact with and respecting and loving them for it.  It means seeing the poetry in every living thing.

As we get older, our perceptions of the world around us can become more and more jaded.  Our experiences act as a paint brush over our canvas of life.  It we're not careful with our selections of friends, lovers and careers, too many dark colors can be thrown on the canvas, blur together, and become one huge gray mess.  It can get to the point where you can no longer tell the difference between friend and foe; everyone is a potential enemy.  No choice seems like the right choice and you can't trust your own instincts and certainly not the advice of others. 

We do have the option however to hold on to our childhood innocence for as long as we live.  I, for example, have been told on numerous occasions that I see the world through rose colored lenses.  I think at times it has been meant as both a compliment and a put down, but I'm ok with both.  See, I have chosen to never forget and let go of the fantasies of a beautiful magical world that often occupied my thoughts as a child and I think that choice makes me a happier person and more fun to be around.  I no longer believe in dragons and unicorns, but I do still believe good conquers evil, and love is the most powerful weapon we can have against hate. 

I have my moments, like everyone does, where it seems the world is falling apart around me, nothing is going my way and nobody is on my side.  But there is a heaviness that comes with all those negative emotions.  You can't sleep, your body aches, your mind is restless, you notice lines on your face that you never saw before.  It's just not a good place to be.  It is during these moments that you must make a choice.  The choice you make will dictate the outcome of whatever situation you're in.  And that choice is: are you going to sink into the depths of depression and just give up, or are you going to muster up every colorful, beautiful part of you and turn your world around.  It takes work to be positive. 

Any artist, no matter how naturally talented, invest a lot of his time, energy and patience in order to create a masterpiece.  He may even have to start over once or twice and as in the art of life, you're not always going to get it right the first time.  But the vibrancy you envisioned for your life cannot die just because things are not going your way.  The artist knows his vision even when their creation is not looking much like a work of art. 

We are the artist, the world is our canvas.  Take everything life throws at you and dare to paint the sky red if you want to.